Smile
by diradevito
Summary: Elphaba knows how to smile. And for him she will. Even if he'll never notice. Shiz-era.


Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked. Not even if i wanted to.

Warning: No one locks after me or my stories, so no Beta here.

**SMILE**

Elphaba has a beautiful smile. She knows it. She knows it because she practices it. Everyday. In front of the mirror hoping that someday in the future, months or years from now, she'll be able to show it to someone that matters. Although she fools herself. She knows. Because there already is someone that matters. Matters to her. But does she matter to him? She wishes for it. But wishing never did her any good. She wished all her life. And she hoped that by now she'd be done with it for good. Too many disappointments in her life. But here she is. Standing in front of the mirror again, smiling, warm and gentle, like no one would expect from a monster without a soul and ugly skin , and hopes that he'll see some day. See that she only does this for him.

The Smiling. Waiting all her life. Wanting and longing all her life. Wanting someone like him to find her. Someone she could love.

And somehow she does.

Love.

It should be a foreign concept to her. No one ever taught her. Who loves her really? But strangely it isn't. She knows love. She loves her sister, her mother, even if she can't remember her. She loves the idea of the good she will do, as soon as she leaves this place to meet the wizard. The wizard who will understand her. And she loves the world, hidden deep in her heart, where she is happy somehow. Where everyone can be happy, as naive as it is. It's wishful thinking. It doesn't matter. It's mot like she mistakes this for reality. Besides when she would've it would be entirely his fault. He has started making her believe again. And she dreams again. Dreams even though, she thinks, she gave up on that a long time ago. That she'll never be able to do it again.

What did he do to her? She shouldn't let herself become so vulnerable. It's bad. It's worse than bad. He opened her heart. Unknowingly. But he did it. She doesn't know how, but he did. And she smiles. Even though it is bad.

She likes to believe that he would love her smile. Love it because it was the only beautiful thing about her. All people could smile. Her lips were just the same as any other persons lips. Lips from someone who was normal, who was not green. She tells herself her smile is human. Not disgusting and hated as the rest of her. Her lips are slightly greenish. It's true. But she can still see a little bit of red there and it's enough for her. Because even if her whole body is covered in this dreadful color, her lips aren't. That makes her smile even more.

Her hips touch the sink as she bends slightly over it, to gets a closer look in the mirror. Of course there are always her eyes. They aren't green either. Sometimes she asks herself why not, because the world is cruel like that. Green eyes would have just be another way to make her miserable. But then her eyes catch up to her lips and she matches the colors together and she's happy that her eyes are brown. Even if brown is the most boring color of all possible eye colors. It looks good with red. Her greenish red. Besides boring is good. She's already a spectacle. And green. Brown is just fine with her. And brown reminds her of the woods. The smell of the earth and the feeling of wind against her skin. It is a color that has depth and meaning to her and while she hates her skin she still finds things on her that keep her going every day.

Breathing.

Alive.

People might think she hates herself, but self pity never gets you anywhere. She knows. She's read enough about it. She knows how the story ends when you pity yourself and don't pick yourself up after each and every fail. And she does not like those endings. They make her miserable. Lonelier. So she doesn't want to be one of those. People might think all she ever reads is serious and educational literature. But that's not true. Sometimes she just wants to be that girl that knows nothing about kissing the lips you long for and being hold by the person you love first hand, and simply dream about it while reading some cheesy romance novel. She likes those. She owns more than anyone would ever think. Not even her sister could guess.

When she reads them she gets this _feelings_ and her stomach's tied in knots and her heart does exactly what it does when she thinks about him. It pounds hard and fast and aches and wants and loves. It sounds awful, but surprisingly it's not. It's probably the only feeling she'll cherish until the day she dies. The only thing she wants to feel. She feels hatred and disappointment and resignation and fear, but she doesn't want to. She just does. The love she feels for him though. That she wants to feel.

It wonderful.

It's everything to her.

And somehow, while she looks at her smiling face, she thinks about confessing and the answer she'd like to hear.

I love you.

I love you too.

How can she possibly not smile thinking about that?

AN: Smile will also be my last Wicked fanfic. I wrote it 4months ago or so and edited it today. While I will always love Fiyeraba and our break up was friendly I fell in love with another pairing. So Thanks for reading Wicked-Fans!


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